Toggling between sleep and mind!

Oh yes, that was me who asked for it. More miseries. They have showed me the way when ever I am lost, They have given me the sense to see when i have lost my sight! That is not all about it, I am also scared. What if they all come together sometime when I am not prepared, not strong enough to bear! I wanted to get more strength my bearing more of them with a mindset I have now! No one knows how I might change. 

What can I say about Miseries! They made me see what I am, they made me realize how I am, they opened me for many options, they as well made me strong, they filled me with more gratification and infiltrated me with more wisdom ! I know they are painful but for me life will never be complete without them. I felt more closer to myself whenever miseries blossomed.

The same days came again with no directions and a lethargy in my mind. My  activities dwindled  away so did my interactions. I sensed the frustrations piling  up for unnameable reasons. I could sense the aggression in me grow and dragged to my fridge everytime! asked me to munch something for sometime! wasnt comfortable with anything that was going on, neither with sleeping, nor with teaching or with anything but also wanted something to keep going on. A confused violence was there which fought against every other thing sparing only a destructive mind. There was this void created within which vacuumed with in all remaining emotions. I carried a dull face yet a smile for the sake of convention. I sensed the life with in die away for no apparent reason and only lethargy prevailed. This wasnt the first time it happened and I am sure this will not be the last till I digest every aspect that life intends.

In-spite of all this the urge to write remained! So here are my words pouring through my fingers on to a flat screen that stares silently with its battery on!

Well the season to call miseries is back again. I just thought and it started to drizzle  down its way! What I call as misery, many might not even consider it so. Life is always fair with me, miseries I face are only those which I have created on my own. The pilled up frustration, uneasiness with everything, the envy within, the sense to dominate, aggression to prove myself, striving to create an identity, expectation of praises  all added up, hardened itself and ruled my mind.

hmmm...I heard a verdict 'go out and work in-spite of this lethargy...and lets hope everything will be fine', there also came another voice which asked me to stay with mind and experience what ever that happens! well I was so soaked in lethargy I preferred staying back with my mind!

I stayed back trying to look and to listen...before I could hear or see anything I sensed my lethargy has reached its destination...oh ya...lost in dreams and sometimes trying to comeback and sometimes struggling to stay awake but at last sound asleep. I was toggling between sleep and mind!

I am not sure why I am writing this and I really do not know how to end. I may make it look more complete but it will not simply end. One reason why I started to punch the keys on my keyboard was to spit out thing that are there on mind and now as I am done with a part of it, I can stay withdrawn.

Life, teach me what all I need to and this writing will only be complete when I have learnt to stay comfortable with my mind all the time.